This article examines academic job market experiences as an embodied performance, considering how different bodies must navigate that performance in different ways. Engaging with the critical race theory methodology of counterstory developed by Aja Martinez and the social justice heuristic developed by Rebecca Walton, Kristen R. Moore, and Natasha N. Jones, we use a framework of positionality, privilege, power, and professionalism to interrogate the politics of academic hiring. We use this framework to theorize from our personal stories and to consider how Othered job seekers interact with hiring bodies in ways that are deeply visceral and that are always implicated within institutionalized power relations. We then provide recommendations that will help hiring committees and faculty mentors move toward more equitable and inclusive academic hiring practices.