The dichotomy of 'autonomous men' and 'relational women' is a long-lived social construction that is often taken for a fact. It is also suggested to relate to the reproduction of gender inequality in academia. Through the lens of dialogical self-theory, and based on our narrative data, we show that subtle gender inequality causes tension in the dialogical structure of the self. The tension is enforced by material and structural barriers and is rooted in the multiplicity of competing self-narratives. This tension is not an indication of lack of agency, and is linked to the interplay between self, organization and society. Those with a higher degree of multiplicity and democratic relations among their key I-positions are more prone to facing tension in career progression because of competing self-narratives. In this context, we introduce a distinction between 'being autonomous' and 'having reduced multiplicity'. This distinction shifts the focus from women only to selfhood, and to men and the reduction of multiplicity of I-positions to address gender inequality.