This manuscript is born from contemplating and exploring how it is that we see so little systemic change in STEM education after so many years of working toward it, including the insidious persistence of systems of oppression, and historical and generational exploitation that our current critical, social justice efforts in STEM teacher preparation programs are ineffective and ill-equipped at changing or dismantling. Starting from an explanatory frame of Freire's conundrum of the oppressed, we theorize toward a more complex notion of ideological change. Through the novel reflexive discourse of a loving (self) critique, we interrogate our own individual failures to construct a better theoretical understanding of them. Using self-reflections and other examples, we theorize an imperative of continued ideological growth and development to more authentically step forward in our STEM education equity and social justice work.