Even though the documentation on the effects of the pandemic on educators is being done, enough spaces have not been provided to the female educators working in higher education in Nepal. In this paper, I attempt to explore the journey of navigating my emotions as an educator in Nepal working from home and hope to contribute to the broader discussions on emotions and emotional expressions. The context of this self-study is my life as an educator working in higher education between 29 March 2020 to 29 March 2021. This paper focuses on exploring the question, 'How did the reflections of my emotions during the time of pandemic help me reconstruct my identity as an educator?'. Written as a retrospective reflection on vulnerability, courage, and empathy, self-reflective diary entries were used for data analysis. The paper shows the gendered implication on the emotional expression on me as a female faculty and how it impacted my identity as an educational leader.