As the rhetorical performances of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) work continue to proliferate and sell a movement towards more equitable institutions, the authors challenge this rhetoric as merely a new mode of epistemological and territorial expropriation. Instead, the authors put forth the concept of shadow work, which happens as a result of the failures of DEI work. Through a dialogue among the three authors, they parse where, how, and why shadow work happens to compose collective understandings of shadow work. Through collaborative storytelling, the authors invite readers to begin a practice of bearing witness to the structural work that must be done in the shadows, quietly and collaboratively, to remain on this "side" of the profession's gated faculty community. The authors invite readers to engage in their own critiques of the academic assembly line reproducing dominant rhetorics of diversity.