This auto ethnographic study examines the difficulty in defining student engagement. Definitions from the author and her students are compared for intersections and disconnect. Trickle down engagement, the teacher setting a contagious engaging tone, was considered. Though many intersections in definitions were noted, one disconnect related to the responsibility for student engagement was identified. This led to the exploration of the role of teacher and student and who owns responsibility for creating an engaging college classroom. As a result of the developing narrative the author determines changes to her teaching practices that may be warranted to include setting an engaging tone, sharing responsibility for engagement with students, and extending grace to herself as teacher.