Most tenure-line professors have heard and experienced the anxiety-causing "publish or perish" initiation rites in the world of higher education. Fresh Ph.D. graduates going into the professoriate often worry and agonize over this grueling process. However, one of the most central missions of many Tier 2 universities in the U.S. isn't expressed in the same manner: "Teach or perish." Why don't people talk about teaching in the same way as publishing, when course evaluations are often critical in getting tenure and promotion? Is teaching any easier, something that anyone can do on the fly? Do professors and administrators automatically assume that everyone who has a Ph.D. or advanced degree is an effective teacher? Do they value teaching any less? If teaching is indeed as valued, why are professors, especially new ones, largely left on their own to sink or swim, often teaching large introductory courses with historically high failure rates? Why isn't there a structured learning environment for professors analogous to the pedagogical preparation that K-12 teachers go through? These questions have puzzled the author, as she has seen clusters of new faculty come and go, trying to figure out the complex nature of teaching.