This paper draws from data from a year long study looking at teachers' perceptions of border violence in tandem with my autoethnographic exploration of the lived experience of border violence as a teacher, mother and as a daughter still grieving for her murdered father. The first steps in starting my research critically exploring educator perceptions of bilingual students' experiences with border violence trauma in South Texas began by writing writing autoethnographic accounts of my own experiences with border violence. My inquiry into my lived experience began with the understanding of curriculum and the reciprocal connection it has on identity construction.