The cultural production of the free markets has surpassed the commissions of all the monarchs and popes put together. Because the production of art, artifice, and criticism has become so vast and various, almost any hypothesis can be posed about culture--no matter how absurd one's speculation may be--and countless supporting examples and arguments can be found to prove one's view is true. Since the 1980s, criticisms of writing workshops and programs have become an occasional feature in glossy magazines, newspapers, literary magazines, academic journals, and books of literary criticism. In both the national and local commentary on writing programs, the misrepresentations can be lurid. This paper has a few different components: an examination of the commentary on writing programs; a response to two recent indictments (one of which was published by the Modern Language Association); a brief history of creative writing as an academic discipline; a catalog of the benefits of writing programs to colleges and universities and to the culture in general; and a few personal confessions. (NKA)