In this essay, women outdoor leaders discuss how gender influences their work, and explore and challenge some assumptions underlying outdoor leadership that continue to privilege the impartial, disembodied practices typified by the masculine outdoor leader. Four feminist, and three other feminist outdoor leaders participated in personal interviews focusing on how their feminist beliefs affected their professional practice. The results indicate that a commitment to feminism affects their work as leaders because they do not separate themselves from their practice as instructors. Overall, these women understand their commitment to feminism as a process of learning how they developed a sense of self as women, and of responding to the conflicting ways in which gender continues to organize and inform their identity and leadership through intersecting power relations. At times the women in the study appear to feel strong and clear, perhaps seeing themselves as positive, nontraditional role models; at other times, they appear to be hurt by judgments made by students or colleagues. The lived realities of being a woman in the outdoors are expressed in terms of desire for "self": seeing women getting in touch with their strength, questioning what being a woman means, locating their sense of self, and finally "unpacking" their experience. Contains 43 references. (TD)