Humans organize into constellations subjective attributes that help them to know themselves. Self-esteem refers only to those aspects of one's self-concept to which an evaluation is assigned. Self-esteem reflects one's sense of personal efficacy and worth. Love has been described as emotional closeness, passion, and decision/commitment; esteem for another; or sexual relations. Persons with high self-esteem are the people who while acknowledging a fault or faults still think of themselves as worthwhile. In contrast, those with low self-esteem think of themselves as seriously and quite possibly permanently flawed individuals. Early in existence people encode certain characteristics as being particularly enticing and, during later development, upon perceiving those attributes in another person, one's coded message pulls one toward that other person. The love that recommends marriage is variable, perhaps falling along a continuum from no-love to consummate love. Relationship problems tied to self-esteem can appear as incompatibilities; mid-life crises; perfectionism; fear of abandonment; failure to communicate; and outgrowing the relationship. In self-esteem work in couples counseling the counselor's task is to determine just what interferes with the client's developing sense of personal adequacy. That identification points the counselor's efforts in a particular direction. In this counseling each partner can be asked to live purposefully, at least in regard to examining their relationship. (ABL)