A variety of foolproof ways to avoid teaching composition while appearing to teach it may be divided into two groups: methods which actually teach something else and methods which allow the teacher to appear to be teaching writing while keeping instruction of any kind to a minimum. Some of the subjects disguised as writing are communications, grammars, linguistics and history of the language, current events, the novel currently popular among students, self-expression, ethnic studies, and participation theater (happenings) and "cinema verite." Each subject has its own approach and all methods and approaches have been tried in the classroom. However, the most prestigious way to avoid the teaching of writing is to make a career out of attending professional meetings and reading papers. (JM)