This article explores the tension - in both positive and negative senses - of an aquarium's internal and external equity work. The article parses out this tension, especially reflecting on where the equity work lives, where it gets messy, and who is doing the work. It centers on the tensions around positionality for a woman of color initially without, then later with, authority in a predominantly white organization by offering accounts of those tensions through her own lived experiences. Through her stories, the author considers questions such as: Who can rock the institutional boat without worrying about their job? What are the capacities really needed to balance internal and external equity efforts? Where are the lines between being a representative of a group and being tokenized? What is the emotional burden of having to justify your lived experience? The author discusses the direct results of these natural tensions and the impacts they have on historically excluded communities engaging with and working for cultural institutions.