The study focuses on academic career attrition in the context of neoliberal academia and science policies emphasizing the need for excellence and social responsibility in academic production. The goal is to understand the relation between the development of academic identity and attrition among those who have left the academic path up to five years after PhD completion, with acknowledgement of the effect that academic identity has on academic career ambitions. Based on 28 narrative interviews with former academics from various research fields, we identified four trajectories of academic identity development (one of stable academic identity and three of lost academic identity), four narratives of attrition (disillusionment, a search for new purpose, refusal to sacrifice personal life and academic inadequacy) that explain these trajectories, and three ideals of "proper academic" (humanist, leader, absolute academic) that are reflected in these narratives. We conclude that the academic environment creates an academic identity paradox in which not only the loss of or obstacles to developing an academic identity but also its strength and stability can weaken academic career ambitions and contribute to attrition because of the need to perform only excellent academic work. The paradox seems to relate to the high-performance culture of neoliberal academia and to the specific gender aspects of the STEM field because it appeared to function differently in regard to discipline and gender. We show that neoliberal academia, despite the ideals of current science policies, loses academics caring for these ideals in STEM fields, especially women.