Describes how the author survived for more than a quarter of a century as a minor university administrator by applying a "schizoid narrativizing strategy" to the art of running, and being run by, an academic department. Notes that established written departmental procedures are indispensable. Discusses briefly the state of the academic economy.…

Considers the profound impact of severe budget cuts on the English department at Portland State University. Describes some of the surprising and peculiar types of behavior among faculty members resulting from intense departmental changes. Provides advice for chairs facing similar budget restrictions. (HB)

Discusses the seemingly contradictory nature of chairing an English department by highlighting the opposing impulses faced, especially as related to funding. Presents the situation in the form of a parable similar to a work by Franz Kafka. (HB)

Considers the rewards and sufferings of English department heads. Offers advice aimed particularly at those who have newly been appointed as department chairs. Describes the major challenges faced by department chairs. Provides a list of "dos and don'ts" for new department heads. (HB)

Considers the ways by which English departments might begin the process of revitalization. Provides suggestions in eight areas of concern: record keeping, teaching, scheduling, advertising, handling workloads, revising the curriculum, funding, and hiring. (HB)