Developing controls from within requires the helper to be a person of influence able to create conditions of safety in relationship. In order to do so, a focus on the characteristics of adults' relationships with youth is essential. Relational practice offers such a focus. In this article, the author talks about relational practice as a connection of selves and stresses that in relational child and youth care practice, it is important to constantly monitor the characteristics of that relationship to ensure it maintains the conditions of safety which allow adults to remain persons of influence. For it is only then that they might help the young person develop the capacity to exercise controls from within.