This article employs critical discourse analysis of the Spear's Schools Index of 'the best private schools in the world', the first such global ranking of schools, to understand representations of elite education in globalised societies. It argues that the Index is a powerful text that exemplifies a global gaze -- an imagined perspective from which education is judged independent of context. Six assumptions about education inherent in this global gaze are identified, through which schools and parents are subjectified while students are objectified, namely that: good education can be judged independent of context; education is a competition; the best schools are supranational; private and Western schools are best; good parents choose globally; and children are an investment. The article demonstrates the fertility of analysing online sources to examine elite schools [Howard, Adam, and Jane Kenway. 2015. "Canvassing Conversations: Obstinate Issues in Studies of Elites and Elite Education." "International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education" 28 (9): 1005--1032.].