Intended for South Carolina families with a child having mental retardation, this guide encourages families to participate in all aspects of programs and services and offers guidelines for working with professionals. Five to 30 suggestions or tips are listed for each of the following aspects: (1) learning that your child has special needs (e.g., refuse to be a victim and seek information); (2) stressful periods for families with special needs (e.g., initial diagnosis of mental retardation and beginning public school); (3) working with professionals routinely (keep copies of all information and remember that you are the final decision maker); (4) resolving conflict (be a good listener and speak for yourself and your child); (5) developing effective partnerships (share respect, decision-making, feelings, flexibility, and honesty); and (6) becoming involved (serve on the local mental retardation board and help other parents). A "Parent's Bill of Rights" and "Commandments for Families with Special Needs" complete the guide. An appendix contrasts traditional and state-of-the-art views on perceptions of disability and family roles and contrasts myths and realities about the decision-making process. (DB)