In this article, the author looks back at "New Voices, New Visions" (Brown, 1989) which is theory built on the existential and the embodiment of her life. Most directly, the article had to do with how certain kinds of lived experiences, those of lesbians and gay men in the years before 1990, might inform theorizing in psychology. It was a piece written as an outsider, critiquing certain of psychology's epistemic norms. What the author failed to realize then, and what she is coming to understand now, is that the largest epistemic norm that she was subverting had to do with the very source of her theory--illness and loss in her own life.